I don’t even want to know why. Okay that’s a lie, I always want to know why; even if I regret knowing it later, I can’t not know. And it can be anything. I just have that need that I have to know.
It doesn’t really matter how often I do cry, especially over the same thing. It means that what I want is still what I want. And what I need is still found wanting in my heart and soul. It’s true I don’t always know what I want, and often I’ll decide and change my mind. But surely if I keep choosing that one thing it must mean that’s the one thing I really do want?
I used to say that I don’t mind fighting every single day as long as I see you. And I still believe that, but in a more defined way. I can take it when we fight but with reason and still love each other and still want to be together. I can even take it if we apologise afterwards still knowing we’ll fight over it again. That’s fine. However, I realised recently that I can’t live without apologies. I can’t live without accepting responsibility for our faults.
I don’t know about you, but walking into a room of people – known to me or not – I want to feel that sense of being alive. I need that touch or recognition from you that you know you’re there with me. And I’m there with you. WITH YOU. Maybe you don’t understand, or maybe you already feel it, but I don’t. I don’t feel like everyone knows I’m yours. I don’t get that feeling that you want the world to know I’m taken, and that YOU are the LUCKY GUY who has ME.
It’s a simple concept: One day you will meet that person who changes everything. Your life as you knew it before is really over, and without that one person you feel you will die. True. Your life will change a few times in your lifetime. It simply has to. Maybe it won’t be as clear to you as it is to others, but eventually you will realise the impact someone has had on your life. You might hate them for it, but you could also discover that you love them for it. I’m not saying it will be your one true love, it could be a friend or a long lost relative, it could even be someone you have known your whole life. Essentially, you should always be looking for a sign. You should always be aware and ready for that moment that could change the rest of your life from the way you know it.
I once wrote about the risks of living and the risks of waiting. Well in this case I think you should’nt wait too long. If you think you’ve found that one thing that makes you happy or maybe you think you’ve found the one you need to be happy forever more, then by all means, do something about it. By waiting you are only increasing your chances of losing your special thing. Just because I’m saying take the risk, doesn’t mean it will work out, but by waiting it doesn’t mean it will work out later. Some things just aren’t meant to be. The best way to know is to try. I’ve tried, and I think I’ll try again – sometimes you miss that one piece that proves it and the second time you look you see it better. So as for my contribution, besides my words and thoughts, I will today make the vow to try again. Now my promise doesn’t mean I’m going to jump tomorrow, but I will make the effort and I will jump eventually. And by taking my advice I won’t be waiting very long to make that decision.
Here’s to risking it bravely, and no matter the outcome… I will eventually find my happiness…
