Being strange is my passion. Passion makes me happy. It’s not important if no one else in the entire world understands me, I will never be any different. I find anything and everything interesting and being a creative mind is brilliant and frustrating at the same time. I need and outlet, be it writing or drawing or building or singing or dancing. Here I have the chance to set free everything I write and I don’t care if I get judged for it. I do however apologise for this one, it’s extremely scattered and varied considering topics. Also some of it is continued from previous unexplainable issues. Just know that this is as close as anyone will ever get to knowing me fully.
Part of my year I live in a little flat, I work there too. My whole life for 60% of the year is completely contained in this one space. Frustration and creativity as well as boredom and happiness springs from these few walls and all of that could happen every hour. Some nights, my only escape is to go to the toilet. Even when I don’t need it, I go anyway. I sit there and pretend to pee. Just for about 5 minutes. Then I go back to working on my own nerves while doing work I actually secretly in the back of my mind love to do.
Isn’t it sad how there are so many women or couples that would love to have a baby and there are so many women not wanting that amazing little child that they have right there. Even if you don’t have the opportunity to raise the child, you don’t have the right to not want it. You made it, it’s not a mistake, it’s meant to be there, with you. It’s NOT fair! I want a wish* and I can’t have one because it’s not right for me right now.
So maybe one of the deepest reasons I want a wish* so badly is because of that inevitable, unconditional love, or maybe it’s that wish-wish* relationship that I long for. I don’t know how to have the one that I have, so my next option is to make one. Maybe in this new world where things are malleable according to the artist, maybe here we can create the things we never had, and the things we think our wishes* need. :’(
As an old lady one day, as “Rose”, I want to go out into the huge flowering garden at night, with the little garden lights on, and just dance around in circles like a child and be happy. I want a place to view the stars from. I really want to be that child-like old lady I always see in my mind.
Did you get loved enough? What’s enough?
It’s never too late. Really. You can always try harder, you can always start again. You can always admit you are wrong and try again. IT IS NEVER TOO LATE.
Where in your life have you ever seen anything more beautiful?
May the light of the moon, shine on you.
Here I am, staring at YOU through the night air from my window. Pondering YOUR greatness while I should be studying the origins of architecture in religion. Bleh. I’d rather much study YOUR face, YOUR beauty. YOUR absolute creation which is the mind. My mind wanders into the night sky – contemplating it all, not wanting to focus on a small portion. I can’t find you, because YOU don’t exist. I don’t know who YOU are and I wish I could understand why I feel YOUR absence so deeply. I miss YOU so much that it hurts.
I’m not always sure of who I am until I do something like this, and then suddenly it’s all crystal clear that my name is Teresa, and I AM SITA
May you experience yourself as you truly are, and may you never forget you.
