“We waste so much time on people. We let people waste our feelings for them. We spend so much time making an effort for someone who isn’t going to be there forever.” No. We cannot continue to spread this common thought.
Imagine never spending any time or effort on anyone. Imagine never wondering if the person you’re involved with in that moment is the one. How would you find them then? It’s such a ridiculous notion.
You have one life. One life with a million tiny moments, if we sit and wait for the BIG moments to come, we’ll end up with an empty life.
C.S Lewis has already said this, in the most perfect way:
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
Therefore discrediting someone you might have thought you loved, or even did actually love, no matter how long or short, is not necessary. I used to believe that Love once found in someone cannot be lost. I misunderstood what love was.
Love, in any form, yes love has many forms, cannot be lost. Love is an energy. Just as energy cannot be lost, but only changes from one form to another, Love too never fades, it only moves and transforms.
Take it this way, you love apples but not pears. You love your dog (more than people sometimes). Why is it that you cannot love all the people you know? Your love for apples isn’t a friendly one, its sense based. Your love for your dog isn’t romantic, it’s companionship. I can love people physically, emotionally, friendly, romantically, sexually, and wholly even.
Sometimes I tell someone I really like them, in my head I’m telling them I love them, but with society and our small ignorant understanding of love, using the word LOVE just complicates things too much.
So in saying that love transforms, I am agreeing that you can suddenly not be in love with someone anymore, but you cannot unlove them. You might never see them again and you might want to be angry with them for all eternity, but you did not lose any love or time loving them. You still care for them, even if you feel foolish about it.
I’ve had a few long debates with friends over the different terms linked to love. Particularly these four: In love, Love, Soulmate, True love.
Here’s my understanding:
Love is the energy we exude for anyone close to us.
Being in love with someone is experiencing romantic love and emotions towards someone, normally just one person at a time. This can fade but can also be created.
- A soulmate is anyone who matches your soul. You can have multiples of these. Your sibling may be your soulmate, through life experience and closeness. Your best friend may be your soulmate through experience or common attributes. You can have emotional, sexual, intellectual, physical and even virtual connections with some people that are so strong that they represent another version of you. This is a soul mate. Their soul is like yours.
- Then there is true love. For me there is only one, I might be proven wrong on this point, but in my belief there is one true love for everyone. Some might not want it, some might not see it. Some might throw it away or lose it before finding it.
When you find it, you know, because life as you know it, will change. Of course soulmates can change your life too, even just loved ones, but your true love is bigger than that. Your true love can, and probably should, encompass all these kinds of loves. It’s as if your true love can be your soulmate and you can be in love with them and love every part of them, whereas with the other cases they do not necessarily need the others to exist.
I am not an expert of love, I am merely trudging through the mud and carrying all my (albeit not very much) experience on my heart. I love many, I have been in love a few times, I have found a soulmate at least once and I am looking for my true love. I’m happy, and sad, and confused and tired, but I cannot give up. I cannot even look on the past and feel I have wasted my time. For every man I have been in love with that wasn’t in love with me in return, has taught me about myself, and about others. For every person I love that I no longer have in my life I have learnt how to share my light without diminishing what is left inside me.
I keep going, looking for love and giving it where it is needed, wrapped in a smile and warm fuzziness.